So I’m going to be very transparent today. For the past 4 months, I have been going through the after effects of a breakup. I think after a breakup, the biggest question that you’re constantly asking yourself is, what I did wrong or what’s wrong with me. Of course I did the same but ultimately you just have to accept what has happened and do your best to move on and be happy. That’s what I decided to do. I also wanted to just take some time to get back to me. The last three years saw me in a long term relationship, a pregnancy, motherhood, and now single mommy hood. Needless to say, I changed a lot during that time. So I’ve been spending my time trying to figure out who this newly single Daneisha is. What makes her happy? What does she want? What are her next steps in life? I just want to take care of myself and make sure that I am feeding my mind, body, and soul positivity. I’ve been doing that by having a lot of me time (or as much as I can being that I have a very needy 1 1/2 year old who needs all of my attention) and doing things that are replenishing to my soul. It’s been very helpful so I decided to share it with you. These activities can be used to help you no matter what you have been going through. I mean just think about it. Have you ever been fired or turned down from a job that you really felt like you deserved? It can be quite devastating and you may start to doubt yourself and your abilities. Well my advice is, don’t wallow in depression. Don’t beat yourself up. Move on and spend some time trying to better yourself and prepare for the next opportunity that may come your way. When that new opportunity (be it a job or a new boo) comes, you will be prepared for it and you will be the best person for it. Below I have listed some things that I have been doing to better myself and prepare myself for the next “opportunity”.

1. Try a new do.

If you go back through my blog posts, you can probably guess around the time my breakup took place.  See here.  Breakups/firings can really make you feel like you have no control of your life.  I think that’s one of the main reasons that I cut my hair.  I needed to feel like I was in control again. Plus I just wanted something different, new, and exciting.  When I got to the salon, my hairdresser was shocked to find out that not only did I want a new do, but I wanted a “shortcut”.  She was happy to oblige!  When she turned me around to face the mirror after the cut, I was so happy!  I immediately felt like the real me had awoken.  It was an amazing feeling.  There was this confidence that I hadn’t felt in a long time.  I felt beautiful and free.  It was so elating!  I think that when you are in a relationship where you don’t feel appreciated or you’re working at a job where you don’t appreciated, it can really break your spirit.  So when jobs/relationships end, it’s important to do things that will put that smile back on your face.  A haircut is symbolic. It represents cutting off the old you and embracing the new you. That’s what it meant for my anyway.  I haven’t slowed down since.

Before my breakup, my life was all about my relationship.  I think this applies to some people in relation to their careers as well.  We spend so much time focusing on other people and things around us that we forget about ourselves.  No matter what is going on in life, you have to take care of yourself physically, mentally, spiritually, etc.  So when I say “pamper” yourself, I mean pamper your physical, mental, and spiritual self.  One way that I pamper myself is by taking nice hot baths and just relaxing in the tub for a few minutes.  I light my candles, pour some lavender-scented bath salts in the water, turn on some old school R&B, and sip a little wine for a few minutes.

This is actually more than physical pampering; It soothes you mentally as well. I’m a music lover. Music literally heals my soul; so it really is important that I use it as a form of therapy. Choose some of your favorite music to listen to while relaxing. It works wonders!

Pampering yourself is also about taking care of yourself.  That means working out and eating healthy.  All of these things are important because they help to get your mind right so that you will be prepared for the great things that are coming.

3. Meditate.

One way that I am working on my spiritual self is by taking about 10 or 15 minutes every morning to sit down and meditate.  Meditation really calms my soul and it allows me to take a few minutes a day to just have a moment of silence.  Whenever I finish meditating, I always feel more positive, less stressed, and at peace.  Mantra and Meditation by Pandit Usharbudh Arya is a great book for those who want to practice meditation.

 

This has been the hardest one for me because I’m not really one to talk about my feelings to others.  However, I believe it’s important to get all of your thoughts out. It allows you to release all of those emotions and begin the process of healing and moving on to something better.  There are plenty of options when it comes to people that you can talk to.  You can talk to a family member or friend (this is free).  But if you’re more private and you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone you know, I would suggest finding a good therapist.  Therapists are usually more professional and unbiased.  And because you’re paying them, they have to listen to you and give you an honest opinion.  My last suggestion for those who just don’t feel like talking to anyone is to keep a journal to record your thoughts.  The most important thing is getting it all out.

5. Take the time to reflect.

After every break up that I’ve gone through, I always ask myself what part I had in causing the breakup.  This helps me to acknowledge my faults, resolve to fix those flaws, and become a better person.  This process of reflection allows me to ensure that I don’t make the same mistakes again.  These same steps work after being fired from a job.  Instead of dwelling on the fact that you were just fired, spend some time reflecting on how you can become better so that when that next job comes along, you will be perfect for it.  Some questions to ask yourself are: Why wasn’t I right for the job? Or why wasn’t the job wasn’t right for me?  What role did I play in ending this relationship?  What can I do differently in the next one?  How can I fulfill my own desires and potential?

6. Read a few inspirational books.

After losing a job or losing a significant other, we all need a little inspiration to keep us going; I think so anyway. So when I’m down, I look for a little inspiration in everything that I do. But, ultimately, I love a good inspirational book. Now, I’m all for using the “Good Book” and some great quotes as a means to inspire. But I also like reading great stories from others who have been through some of the same things that I’ve been through and have come out successful. So the last four books that I have read and have thoroughly enjoyed are listed below. These books are currently giving me life!

1. Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes
2. You are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero
3. Own it: The Power of Women at Work by Sallie Krawcheck
4. Settle for More by Megyn Kelly

Here are some books that I’m planning to read as well:

1. Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway by Susan Jeffers
2. Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth
3. Successful Women Think Differently by Valerie Burton (I actually started this one but didn’t finish)
4. Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs by Emerson Eggerichs
5. The Seven Spirtual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra

Now if you don’t have time to physically read these books, I’ve discovered this great site called Audible. With Audible, you can listen to the book instead of reading it. This has been great for me because most of my free time is spent working on my blog and being a mother. So when I’m riding around in my car, I turn on my book and I get to reading/listening!

Remember that taking care of yourself is the most important out of all of these tips.  The goal is to be a better you so that you can be prepared for great things that will be happening in your future.  Take the time to love yourself and build yourself up.  If you don’t, no one else will.  What are some of your tips for getting past negative situations in life?  Let me know in the comments section below!

Speak to you soon!

Daneisha