Let’s Talk: Self-Confidence Then vs. Now

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I was tapped by one of my boss babes, Lauren Yellock from Illuminate Beauty, to talk about my experience with self-confidence growing up and how I deal with it now.  I was very excited to discuss this topic because I know that it’s something that we all dealt with growing up.

Self-confidence is a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment.  I think I speak for most when I say that there have been moments when I have not been so confident in myself or my ability to do certain things.  When I think back to my childhood and even my teenage years, there were certain areas in which I lacked confidence.  For example, I wasn’t able to make any important decisions on my own without getting my mom’s opinion until I was about 25.  It could have been something as important as deciding on a job or something as unimportant as how to style my hair.  For some reason, I felt that if I didn’t solicit her advice and follow her advice to the “T”, I would be punished by God and there would be bad consequences! I’m laughing out loud as I type this but it is so true.  I didn’t trust my ability to make important decisions.

At some point in my late twenties, I think it was around that time that I moved out on my own, I started to become more assertive and self-assured in my decisions. There is something about moving into your own place, have a steady job, and having to pay bills on your own that gives you an extra boost of confidence.  You have to be smarter and more analytical when you become a “real” adult.  There’s no “letting it slide” or calling your mom.

There was also some confidence issues with my looks growing up too.  I didn’t consider myself to be one of the pretty girls or the best dressed.  I didn’t come from money and I literally wore sweatsuits (in every color) to school every day of the week while in elementary school. But at the same time, it wasn’t something that I constantly thought about.  However, looking back I think it contributed to my awkward social skills.  That feeling of being awkward  had to do with me feeling like I wasn’t good enough or cool enough to be accepted.   I was and still am socially awkward.

Now, as an adult, I don’t really care to be accepted.  I love who I am and I love my body.  You only get one life and one body.  So, I do my best to really appreciate it all.  Also, I think becoming a mom really helped with my body confidence.  In the beginning I was really upset at how much my body had changed after having my son.  But, after recognizing how much my body went through to produce this amazing human being, I felt/feel like I have to show it (my body) all the love.  It’s not perfect, but it’s STRONG!!!

The one area that I have always been confident in is my intellect.  Growing up, I knew how smart I was. So I was confident in my ability to study, get my homework done, and pass tests ON MY OWN. I was always good at figuring things out.  So, school was basically a breeze for me (well, the education part of it).  In my current life and at my job, I can always rely on my ability to figure sh*t out!!!

As a blogger, I try to be transparent in the areas that I am confident in, as well as those areas that I’m not so confident.  When you’re able to be completely transparent and bare your soul to the world by showing your true self to others, that gives others permission to do the same. It allows you to relate to others as well.  And I’m totally here for that.

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So, tell me, how did you deal with self-confidence growing up and are you still dealing with those issues? Let me know in the comments below.

Speak to you soon!

Daneisha

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21 thoughts on “Let’s Talk: Self-Confidence Then vs. Now

  1. Bianca says:

    You look amazing! The “where do you get your confidence?” question is so funny because it implies that it’s normal to be self conscious all the time. My confidence comes from the realization that there will ALWAYS be someone who doesn’t agree with you or what you look like/do — but their opinion means nothing. All that matters is your own. So if you are happy with who you are and where you are at than you are good.

    Like

  2. Donna says:

    I wasn’t very self confident growing up. In my late 20’s early 30s I finally came into my own! Its such a liberating feeling. I’m so glad that you are living your best version of yourself. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  3. ashleyb says:

    You look stunning. Your confidence really shows through. I loved how you stated self confidence was a trust in ones abilities qualities and judgement. Such a valid point. I know sometimes I struggle with trusting my own judgement but Im working on it

    Liked by 1 person

    • Officially Chic says:

      Girl I love knowing that there are some of us out there who are just naturally confident!! If gives hope to the girls who do struggle with it. But, I think recognizing how blessed you are has a lot to do with your level of confidence. It’s recognizing that you have everything you need at the moment and you shouldn’t even be comparing what you have to what someone else has. It’s contentment and gratitude!

      Like

  4. LATOYA says:

    Gaining self confidence can be so difficult, especially in the world we live in today. I felt a lack of confidence growing up because I didn’t look a certain way or have a certain thing someone else may have had. Today, I accept that I have flaws but they’re beautiful! Thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Marquita says:

    Self-confidence is dealt by different people in different ways. I think my biggest issue is speaking up in work meetings when I know what’s right or wrong. Other than that, I could care less about what other people think about me appearance wise.

    Like

  6. Joy woods says:

    This is really good!!!! Thank u for sharing. I am just now working thru these things myself!
    I have been struggling with weight gain and accepting the fact that i am still beautiful. Thank u for this

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Kala Allen says:

    I’m actually currently in therapy to develop better self esteem. I used to be so nervous about wearing or saying the wrong thing around people, but recently I’ve decided it’s okay to just do me. Especially after living alone in a different country.

    Like

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